


Boundless As The Sea

by Nightmare_Child



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: sassy_otp, M/M, Sassy 10000 Challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:31:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 6,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3457412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightmare_Child/pseuds/Nightmare_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam loves Cas and Cas loves Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Nightmare_Child](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightmare_Child/pseuds/Nightmare_Child) in the [Sassy_10000_Challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Sassy_10000_Challenge) collection. 



> Some of these may be related, but mostly they'll be completely random drabbles. Just brief moments in their lives.

“Do you know when I first knew I loved you?” Sam asked, lying with Castiel nestled against his chest.

“When?” asked Castiel curiously. 

“When you stopped Dean from giving himself to Michael. You saved him when I couldn’t, you always do and I’ve always been grateful.” Sam said more solemnly than he’d intended. 

“Do you know when I first knew I loved you?” Castiel said by way of reply.

“When?” asked Sam smiling. 

“When I saw you falling into hell. When you gave your life to save us all.” 

“You were watching?”

“I’m always watching and I always will be.”


	2. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds heaven again.

“You feel like heaven, you know that?” asked Sam as he ran his hands down Castiel’s lean abdomen.

“I’m as far away from heaven as I can get.” Castiel replied taking Sam’s hand in his own, placing a kiss on his palm.

“Then let’s make our own heaven, right here.” Said Sam leaning over to kiss Castiel tenderly. “Right now.”

“It’ll always be heaven as long as were together.” Castiel said softly, resting a hand on Sam’s cheek.

“Then I never want to leave.” Replied Sam with a soft smile. 

Castiel looked at him, blue eyes aching with emotion. “Good.”


	3. Humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wants to forget.

“Faster” Castiel gasped desperately against Sam’s throat. 

Sam complied, quickening his thrusts, slamming his hips into Castiel’s. 

“God Cas,” Sam groaned. “You feel so good.”

Castiel clutched at Sam’s shoulders as if holding on for dear life. “Please.” He begged, every sensation all the more intense for his newfound humanity. “Please make me forget.” 

Sam fucked him harder, trying to drive the bad memories away, the pain. Castiel moaned loudly and leaned up to kiss Sam heatedly. They came together a few seconds later, lips touching, sharing breaths. And for a few perfect seconds Castiel forgot and he was grateful.


	4. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel thinks Sam is working too hard.

Sam rubbed his eyes wearily as he pulled another dusty book towards himself. Just then he heard the familiar rustle of feathers behind him. 

“You should be in bed.” 

Sam turned to see Castiel looking at him with concern.

“Is that an invitation?” he asked coyly. 

“You haven’t slept in days Sam, the case will still be there tomorrow.” Replied Castiel.

“I know, it’s just…” Sam trailed off and Castiel closed the distance between them. 

He reached up and ran a hand softly through Sam’s hair. “Come to bed.” he said, with a smile. “And yes that was an invitation.”


	5. Loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is gone, but Sam hopes.

Sam sat on the edge of the mattress, the ever-present ache of loneliness in his chest. He took a shuddering breathe and tried not to think about anything. He clenched his fist until he felt his fingernails bite into his palms. ‘Don’t do it.’ He thought to himself, like he did every night.

“Cas.” He called out softly, hopefully. “Cas, please I need you. Come back to me.” There was silence in the room, there was always silence. 

“Please.” Sam begged, stifling a sob.

It was useless, the room was silent, his prayers went unanswered, and his loneliness remained unbroken.


	6. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas watches Sam sleep.

Castiel gazed at Sam’s sleeping form, watched the rise and fall of his chest. He spent most of his nights watching over Sam, to keep him safe he told himself, but there was another reason. When he looked at Sam, sleeping so peacefully something seemed to unclench inside his chest, a weight seemed to be lifted. The features of Sam’s usually careworn face smoothed out, and he looked so young. These moments, brief as they were, were precious to Castiel. Sitting there, the sound of Sam’s steady breathing filling the room. It was the only time Castiel ever felt peace.


	7. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is dead and Sam copes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be based on Kübler-Ross' five stages of death and dying.

“No.” Sam thought for the thousandth time. “He’s not gone, he’ll come back. He always does.”

Sam spent every day now with this litany running through his head, telling himself it couldn’t be true, lying to himself. It helped for a while, for a few brief moments he’d actually believe it, believe that Castiel wasn’t dead. He’d wake up, reaching out in the darkness for the familiar warm body to find nothing. It would come back to him then, the truth and for those moments afterwards the pain would be overwhelming. He couldn’t escape it and he couldn’t deny it.


	8. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is dead and Sam copes.

It had been weeks since it happened. Sam clutched the whiskey glass in his hand, trying not to think, but memories pushed their way to the surface. He saw Castiel disappear beneath the surface of the water and a hot pulse of anger surged through him. 

“Why,” he thought. “Why did you do this to me?”

He lifted his hand and brought it down on the table, with a crash the glass shattered and his hand began to bleed. He looked at the mess of blood and whiskey, the anger subsiding only slightly. It didn’t matter, none of it did.


	9. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is dead and Sam copes.

“God, it’s me Sam Winchester.” Sam whispered into the silence of an empty room. “I need to ask something of you. I need you to bring him back.”

Sam paused a moment. “You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Please.” He begged. “I love him, I need him.”

The silence went unbroken. “I’ll do anything.” Said Sam desperately. “I’ll take his place, just bring him back. I can’t live with him dead.”

The knowledge settled in his chest, the deadweight of truth. No one was listening, there would be no answer to his prayers and he was alone.


	10. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is dead and Sam copes.

“Hey Sammy.” Dean called to him, entering the room. “How ya feelin’?”

“M’okay.” Answered Sam. All he really wanted was to be alone. It had been months since he’d last seen Castiel, months of emotions he couldn’t control had given way to a sadness he’d never believed himself capable of. 

“It’ll be alright.” Dean said giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze. 

Sam looked at his brother and through his grief he felt a shadow of gratitude. “Thanks Dean.”

The weight he carried had not lessened, but he had grown stronger for it. Though, that is the true nature of grief.


	11. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is dead and Sam copes.

“It’s been a year since you died.” Sam prayed. “It hasn’t been easy, and it’s still not easy. I miss you every day, but it’s different now. Before I was angry with you for what you did and with myself for not saving you and I hurt so much I couldn’t stand it. Now when I think of you, it hurts, but there’s something else there, it’s gratitude. I’m so grateful for every second I had with you and I’ll never forget any of it. I will love you forever Castiel, and I just wanted the chance to say… Goodbye.”


	12. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has a secret.

“Does it hurt?” Castiel asked taking a look at Sam’s battered face.

“I’m fine.” 

Castiel rested a hand gently on his cheek and a moment later his wounds were healed, the blood gone from his knuckles, but the taste of it still in his mouth. Castiel’s hand lingered on his face.

“Thanks.” Sam said.

“Anytime.” Replied Castiel removing his hand. “I should go.”

“Why?

Castiel couldn’t explain it, didn’t know how to. The way he felt about Sam, the things he could never tell him, aching with tenderness, love. He always pushed them aside though, kept them his little secret.


	13. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is with Amelia, Cas misses him.

It was night and it was raining. Castiel stood on the sidewalk, looking into the lighted room across the street. A woman with brown hair passed by and then a man. Castiel's heart clenched the sight of him. 

"Sam." he whispered to himself, as the rain soaked through his coat.

His hair was longer, and his smile when he turned towards the woman was as warm and beautiful as ever. He came to the window to close the curtains, gazed out into the darkness. For a moment Castiel thought he could see him, for a moment he wished he could


	14. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wants to see Castiel's wings.

"Hey Cas?" asked Sam, sitting beside him on the couch.

"Yes Sam?"

"Why are your wings invisible?"

"They reside in a different plane of existence." Castiel explained. "Humans are not permitted to look upon an angels wings.

"Can I see them?" asked Sam hesitantly. "Please."

Castiel stood and turned around. A moment later two mighty black wings unfurled from the tops of his shoulders. Sam stood and reached out, running his hands over the soft feathers in awe and felt a shudder run through them.

"No one has ever seen them." Castiel admitted.

"Cas, they're amazing." Sam said. "They're beautiful."


	15. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is hurt, Sam helps.

Blood oozed from the gash in Castiel's shoulder, pain radiating from the wound. Sam sat by him, mopping up some of the blood with a towel.

"You're gonna need a few stitches." he said.

"I am not accustomed t seeing so much of my own blood." Admitted Castiel. 

"You're human now, comes with the territory."

"Will it hurt?"

"I'll be gentle." said Sam as he carefully began stitching the wound closed, Castiel's blood streaming over his fingers, brilliantly red. He wondered if an angels blood on his skin would bless him, or damn him. Not that it mattered much now.


	16. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is Sam's sunshine.

"Mornin' sunshine." Sam said happily as he opened his eyes to find Castiel lying beside him in bed, gazing at him.

"Sunshine?" asked Castiel, quirking his head in that endearing way.

"It's a term of endearment." explained Sam. 

"What does it mean?"

"It means your my sunshine, you light up my life."

Castiel still looked confused.

"It means I love you."

A look of understanding crossed Castiel's face. "Then you are also my sunshine." he said in his endearingly serious, gravelly tone.

Sam laughed at his grave expression and kissed him till he his lips softened into a gentle smile.


	17. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Older brothers are annoying.

"Aww they're cute ain't they?" Crowed Gabriel obnoxiously. 

"Damn straight." Dean agreed.

"Will you two shut up already." replied Sam irritated. "You're older, aren't you supposed to be mature?"

"Nope." they replied in unison.

"It's alright Sam." Castiel said gently. "Ignore them."

"Yeah Sammy, it ain't our fault you two make such a cute couple." Dean said.

"Yeah Sammy, chill out." Gabriel said.

Sam rolled his eyes. "I have the most annoying older brother ever." he grumbled.

"I beg to differ." replied Castiel as they watched Gabriel miming an utterly filthy act, with a lascivious grin on his face.

"Touché."


	18. Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam confesses.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned." Sam whispered into the quiet of the confessional.

"What is the nature of your sin, my son." replied a familiar, gruff voice.

"I'm not clean." Sam replied, grateful for the darkness, grateful that he could not be seen. "I'm tainted with darkness, with sin, it's inside me, it's a a part of me."

"You believe you are beyond saving, undeserving?"

"Yes."

"You are wrong. You are kind and gentle and though not free from sin, you are deserving of so much. Do you believe me, do you trust me?"

"Yes father." replied Sam.


	19. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is broken.

"Sam, am I...broken?" asked Castiel, hesitantly.

"What makes you ask that?" asked Sam crossing the room to sit beside him.

"Something Dean said." he replied. "Am I?"

"I don't know Cas," Sam told him, hating the disappointment on his face. "That's something you figure out yourself."

"I think I am." Cas said. "Are you broken Sam?" 

"I think I was for a while, but you helped put me back together."

"Do you think I can be put back together too?" 

"Yes I do, and I'll be here to help." said Sam, reaching out to hold his hand. "I promise."


	20. Thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has something to say to Sam

"Sam," Castiel began with some hesitation. "If the battle goes ill tomorrow, I just wanted to-"

"Don't talk like that Cas, everything's gonna be fine." Sam said, placing a hand over his own.

"I know, I just wanted to thank you." Castiel admitted. "For everything."

"You don't have to." Sam began.

"Yes I do, everything you've given me, I can never begin to pay you back."

"What I did was because I love you, you don't have to pay me back for it. I don't want anything from you, I just want you."

Castiel nodded with a gentle smile. "Thanks."


	21. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Sam enjoy the sunset.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" asked asked Sam, gazing out at the breathtaking sunset before them.

"Yes." Castiel agreed, never taking his eyes off Sam. 

They sat on the hood of the Impala, borrowed without Dean's permission. It was worth a talking to from Dean. Just the two of them in the dying light of the setting sun. 

Castiel rested his head on Sam's shoulder and Sam lifted his arm and wrapped it around Castiel's shoulders, pulling him close. They didn't say anything, they didn't have to. They just sat together grateful for a moment of peace, grateful for each other.


	22. Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas loves Sam's kisses.

"I love your kisses." Castiel said offhandedly, lying in bed beside Sam one afternoon.

"Really?" asked Sam, a playful glint in his eye. He moved so he lay half on top of Cas. "Do you like them here?" he asked kissing Castiel's neck.

"Yes." Cas said.

"How about here?" he asked, placing a soft kiss behind Castiel's ear.

"Mmm, yes." Cas said, loving the feel of Sam's lips brushing against the sensitive skin there.

"Or maybe here?" he asked bringing his lips to Castiel's and kissing him tenderly.

"Those ones are my favorites." Cas said pulling away with a grin.


	23. Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas makes breakfast.

"Good morning Sam." Castiel said as Sam wandered sleepily into the kitchen looking for coffee. 

"Hey Cas." he replied, surprised. "When did you get here?" 

"Earlier," Castiel lied. "I made breakfast." 

The truth was Cas had been there for a while, pancakes were harder to make than he thought. In the end he had a decent stack of pancakes. He had heard that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach and hoped it was true.

"You made breakfast?"

"Yes." 

Sam reached for the fork and took a bite. "These are great Cas."

Castiel smiled to himself, pleased.


	24. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas will always be Sam's angel.

"Thanks Cas, you're an angel." said Sam gratefully as Cas handed him an icepack. He pressed it to the back of his aching head.

"Technically I'm not an angel anymore." Castiel replied and Sam caught the disappointment in his tone.

"You'll always be an angel to me Cas, my angel, matter what." he said, not caring about how cheesy it sounded.

"Thank you, Sam." replied Castiel, expression brighter. "You are also not an abomination to me."

Sam chuckled at the earnestness in his face. "Thanks Cas." he said. "Now c'mere and give me a kiss."

And Castiel, as always obliged.


	25. Amnesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas forgets, but Sam doesn't.

Castiel sat before him, his Castiel, but there was no recognition in his eyes. He held a woman's hand, his wife, said his name was Emanuel. 

"Cas," he said, as he had a thousand times before. "Please you have to remember me, it's Sam."

"I'm sorry." he replied politely. "You don't seem familiar at all. Should you?"

Sam didn't say anything, letting Dean take over. He turned his head, it hurt to see him now. How could he have forgotten, everything they'd done together, everything they'd shared. How could he have forgotten Sam after he'd promised to love him forever.


	26. Devils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has their own devils, but Cas helps Sam fight his.

Sam was shaking, he hadn't slept in days. Lucifer was laughing somewhere nearby. The next thing he felt was arms around him, they felt real like nothing had in so long. It was Castiel, holding him as he lay curled up on the hospital cot.

"It's going to be okay." he promised. "I can make him go away."

"How sweet." Lucifer cooed. "But it won't work forever, everyone's got their own devils and I'll be back."

"Cas." Sam said, looking Cas in the eye. "Please don't go, don't leave me." 

"I'm not going anywhere."

In Castiel's arms, devils didn't matter.


	27. Candyfloss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys take a trip to a carnival.

"I got some candyfloss." Castiel said approaching Sam and Dean with a mountain of surgery fluff in one hand.

"Some what?" asked Dean.

"The man called it candyfloss."

"That's cotton candy." Dean said.

"Dean takes his junk food seriously." Sam said with a grin.

"There is also a tunnel of love."

"Eww you two enjoy your tunnel of love and your friggin candyfloss. I'm going on a rollercoaster." Dean said storming away to do something macho.

"Let's go find that tunnel of love." Sam said with a wink, grabbing a bit of the cotton candy. "I'm sure it'll be fun."


	28. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas proposes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be related, and will deal with Sam and Castiel's wedding and impending marriage.

Cas paced nervously back and forth outside Sam's door. It had been weeks since their last hunt, the boys were done with it, for good. They were at a point where they needed to figure out what would happen next. Castiel didn't know much their future, but he did know that he wanted to spend his with Sam.

He stepped into the room and reached into his pocket for the small box there. "Sam." he said before he could change his mind. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah Cas?" 

"Cas dropped down to one knee. "Will you marry me?"


	29. Fiancé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Engagement.

Sam took a sip of coffee and listened as Cas ran through the wedding plans for the hundredth time. He didn't mind though, he was happier than he'd ever been and he'd be happier when they were married. He remembered the night Cas proposed, how surprised he'd been. Cas was so nervous, it was sweet.

"Are you even listening to me?" Cas asked after a moment.

"Of course, Fiancé."Sam said with a grin. " I always listen to you."

"Well good the wedding's un two months we need to get this figured out."

"We'll figure it out, we always do."


	30. Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding day.

Sam stood at the alter, palms sweating. Dean stood beside him in his fed suit, his best man. looked to the aisle of the tiny chapel. A moment later, Cas stepped into the room and Sam's breath caught in his throat at the sight of him. 

He was beautiful. Castiel made his way down the aisle and stood before Sam, azure eyes glittering with emotion. Then the words followed, words spoken and repeated but there were only two that mattered to him.

Two words spoken by the only man he had ever loved, two words that meant everything, I do.


	31. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding night.

The hotel was much nicer than what they were used to, not that they were concerned with the furnishings. 

Sam pushed Cas down onto the bed, stripping him of his suit jacket. He kissed his way up his neck, running his tongue along the shell of his ear. Cas shuddered under him. 

"Sam." he gasped out. "I need your mouth."

Sam unbuttoned his trousers and yanked them down his hips, along with his boxers. Castiel's cock sprang free, and lay hot and heavy against his thigh. 

"Yes Mr. Winchester." Sam whispered heatedly, and took his husband's cock in his mouth.


	32. Newlyweds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Married life.

Castiel's phone was ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the screen. He smiled to himself and answered it.

"Hi honey, how's class?" 

"Boring." Sam answered. "I wish I was home with you."

"So do I." said Cas. "I talked to Dean, he invited us over for dinner tonight."

"Awesome, I love his cooking."

"I'm trying not to be insulted." Castiel said, mock offended.

"I love your cooking too, and I love you."

"That's better." Cas said. "You'll make a good lawyer with those quick saves."

Sam chuckled. "Do I make a good husband?"

"An amazing one."


	33. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Sam's five year anniversary.

Sam stepped through the front door of the house he'd shared with Castiel for about a year now. He headed into the dining room, following a delicious smell. He entered the room to find Castiel adding the finishing touches to a lovely candlelit dinner.

"Happy anniversary." he said with a smile.

Sam's heart filled with pleasure. "Happy anniversary Cas, this looks amazing."

"Well I figured five years is kinda special."

"Five wonderful years." Sam said sitting at the table and taking Castiel's hand. "How'd I ever get so lucky?"

"You must have angels watching over you." Castiel said, smiling radiantly.


	34. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas misses heaven.

"What's the matter, Cas?" Sam asked. "You look a little down."

"It is nothing, I was just thinking." Castiel replied absentmindedly.

"About what?" 

"I was just wondering how heaven has changed. I don't suppose I'll ever see it again." Castiel said.

"You're homesick."

"I suppose. Do you know the feeling?"

"Not really." Sam said. "I've never really had a home to miss, but just cause you don't have four walls and a roof, doesn't mean you're homeless. I learned that over the years, the people who care about you, that's where home is."

"Then I still have a home?"

"Always."


	35. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam likes Cas.

With the fluttering of wings, Castiel appeared in the motel room. Sam's heart rate sped up, his palms began to sweat.

"Hey Cas." Dean said easily.

"Hi Castiel." Sam said, as casually as he could.

"Hello." replied Castiel as stoically as ever.

Cas sat beside Dean and they talked as if Sam weren't in the room. He sat watching the angel, as he always did. He had never seen anything a more beautiful creature in all his life, but Cas only ever had time for Dean. 

Sam didn't mind though, he was patient, he'd wait forever if he had to.


	36. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam dreams of Hell.

Meat hooks dripping with blood, so cold, his bones aching with it. Waiting for it to begin again, wishing it would end, but knowing, always knowing. Then that voice, laughing like a child, goading him. And pain, agony all through him, down to the fibers of his soul. 

Sam would wake shaking, screams dying in his throat. He'd sit up in bed trying to catch his breath, sweat cooling on his skin. It wouldn't seem real at first, felt like a trick. But then a pair of arms around him, warm and safe, a voice in his ear, soothing him.


	37. Daydream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's mind wanders and finds Castiel.

Dean was driving, Sam was thinking, mind wandering away to when the case would be over. He and Cas would spend the night together, like they so rarely could. Sam saw him in his mind's eye, smiling in that shy way of his. 

He saw their lives as they were, and what they could be. He rarely dreamed at night, terror clouding his unconscious mind, but during the daylight hours, when the sun shone through the Impalas' windows. That's when he did his dreaming, there was only ever one thing he dreamed about and his dreams were always good ones.


	38. Gluttony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gluttony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be inspired by the seven deadly sins.

"Dude that's your like hundredth twizzler, maybe you should slow down." Dean said as Sam grabbed another piece of licorice. 

"Dean Winchester preaching about excess." said Sam. " I never thought I'd see the day."

Sam snuggled closer to Castiel on the couch. "He's just jealous cause I won't share with him." Sam said handing Cas a twizzler. 

"No I'm not those things are gross." 

"I find them to be quite enjoyable." Castiel said seriously.

"Well you ain't got the greatest fast Cas." Dean said. "I mean look who you're dating."

A moment later a pillow smacked Dean in the face.


	39. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pride

"Hey get your hands off those, they're old and fragile." Sam shouted as Dean leafed roughly through a few books on the table. "Tell him Cas."

"Jeez Sammy, calm down. You take an awful lot of pride in stuff that ain't even yours."

"It's a wonderful library Sam, certainly something to be proud of." Castiel said. 

"Of course you take his side." Dean said, taking a step towards the door. "Just remember Sammy, pride cometh before a fall." And with that he was gone.

Sam turned to Castiel with a grateful smile. "Thanks for that."

"Don't mention it." replied Castiel.


	40. Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrath.

"Dammit Cas, will you tell me what's going on? I'm sick of all the secrets."

"It is not of your concern." replied Castiel. 

"You're my concern, so yeah it is."

"I'm not having this discussion with you." Castiel said and made to leave. 

"Is something going on between you and Hannah?" Sam asked quietly, dreading the answer.

Cas turned and looked at him. "I have to go." he said and was gone.

Sam felt an intense rage surge through him, like he'd never felt before. He slammed his fist into the wall beside him, punching a hole in the plaster.


	41. Greed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greed.

Castiel stood before Crowley, his distaste for the demon written plainly on his face. 

"See, the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat angel. I thought we agreed, no more nights out with the boys."

"I'm holding up my end." Castiel said, feeling a touch of guilt.

"Don't think I don't know what's going on between you and Sam. You choose now, him or me."

"I've made my choice." replied Castiel forcefully.

"Your lust for power is touching really, I never would have thought an angel capable of it."

"You haven't the faintest idea of what I'm capable of."


	42. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Envy.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably on the hard bus seat beneath him. He tried to sleep, but his thoughts kept him awake. He thought of Sam mostly, missed him. He missed his wings too, his grace. He thought of all the angles out there, their grace intact and he was jealous. 

If he were an angel he wouldn't have to hide, he could be with Sam now. It wasn't fair, he'd only been trying to help and this was his reward, cold and alone and on the run. His mind wandered to Sam again, kept him close as he finally drifted off.


	43. Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lust.

Cas lay bent over one of the tables in the bunker's library. He was naked and sweating. Sam stood behind him, cock teasing his entrance. 

"Please Sam." he begged, lust and need making his knees week.

Sam obliged him, slipping inside, stretching him in a delicious mixture of pain and pleasure. Sam thrust inside him, fucking him into the table and Castiel moaned wantonly. 

Sam peppered kisses along his spine and angled his hips so his cock brushed that sweet spot on every thrust. It was frenzied and erotic and too soon before they were coming together, Castiel's cock untouched.


	44. Sloth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sloth.

Sam rolled over in bed and threw an arm around Cas, pulling him closer. 

"It's late." Cas said. "We should get up."

"We don't have a case, we can sleep in if we want to." Sam mumbled sleepily. 

"We shouldn't waste the day in bed, sloth is a sin you know." 

Sam cracked an eye open with a playful grin. "Who says we'll be wasting the day?" he asked pulling Cas in for a heated kiss. He slipped a hand under the sheets, between Castiel's legs. Cas gasped and looked at Sam salaciously. 

"This is a better sin." he said.


	45. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas brings the wall down, and Sam's trust with itm

Sam collapsed to the floor, a shard of glass cutting deeply into his palm. He lifted his gaze, to the former angel, standing resplendent in the power of god hood. A small smirk played around his lips, as if he were privy to some secret joke. 

He was not the man Sam knew, not the man he loved. Pain and betrayal lay heavy in his gut, like a stomachache. He tried to get to his feet, images of hell forcing themselves into his waking mind. He prayed that he was only dreaming, prayed, but to whom he did not know.


	46. Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a present for Cas.

"Hey Cas." Sam said sitting at the table across from the former angel.

"Yes Sam?"

"I got something for you." he said pushing a box toward him.

The box had holes cut in it. Castiel lifted the lid and stared inside, puzzled.

"It's a kitten." Sam said. "Humans have pets all the time, I thought you might like one."

Cas lifted out a blue-eyed, jet-black kitten. It curled up in his palm and purred loudly.

"It's a girl." Sam said.

Cas stroked the kitten gently. "Thank you Sam." he said, smiling. "She's beautiful." 

Sam watched Castiel happily, his heart warmed.


	47. Croatoan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas can't sleep. Endverse au.

Castiel stirred restlessly in his cot. He heard footsteps outside his cabin, the night watchmen. He was having difficulty sleeping, despite the number of barbiturates in his system. He needed them though, at night when he felt his loss most keenly. 

It wasn't his grace he missed, it was Sam. Sam, selfless and gentle, now in Lucifer's hands. He wondered what went wrong for the thousandth time. He wondered if things had been different, but they hadn't. He pushed the thoughts away forcefully, Sam's absence a deep ache in his chest, one no amount of drugs would rid him of.


	48. Feathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas sheds, Dean doesn't approve.

Sam exited the bathroom to find Dean sitting on his bed, a handful of sleek black feathers in his hand and a look of confusion on his face.

"Why is there always feathers everywhere man, every time I leave."

"Uhhh." Sam began awkwardly.

A second later Castiel appeared in the room. "Hey Cas." Sam said, grateful for the distraction. 

"Hello Sam." replied Castiel. He looked to Dean, curious. "Dean, why do you have a handful of my feathers?"

"Your feathers?" Dean asked. Looking between Cas and Sam. As the pieces fell into place he threw the feathers down horrified. "Gross!"


	49. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas goes to Sam to undo the damage he's caused.

Castiel entered the hospital room to find Sam sitting on the center of the bed, knees clutched to his chest. There were dark circles under his eyes, like bruises. He hadn't slept in days, he looked terrible, haunted. 

Cas sat beside him, and rested a hand gently on his knee. Sam flinched away nd lifted his eyes to Castiel.   
Cas?" he asked and the hope in his voice nearly broke Castiel. How could he have done this to the person he loved most. 

"It's me," Cas said, guilt lying heavy on his heart. "I'm going to save you." he promised.


	50. Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas take a trip to the beach.

Sam buried his toes into the warm sand, relishing the feel of the sun on his skin. 

"This was a good idea." Castiel said beside him.

"I knew you'd like the beach." Sam said leaning over to take his hand. 

"You know me so well."

"Of course I do, I love you." Sam said with a grin.

"I love you too."

Cas smiled at him, blue eyes shining in the sunlight. They sat for a long time hand in hand, not saying anything, just sitting. The sound of the ocean waves, the only thing they could hear, gentle and soothing.


	51. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a cold.

Sam sneezed for what felt like the thousandth time that day, sniffling thickly. Castiel was there a moment later, handing him a tissue. Sam blew his nose and closed his eyes, wishing his head would stop aching for a second. A few moments later something cool and damp was pressed to sweating face. He opened his eyes and saw Castiel, facecloth in hand dabbing gently at his forehead. 

“Thanks Cas.” He said. “You don’t have to do this you know.”

“I want to take care of you Sam.” Castiel replied simply. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” Sam said.


	52. Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas prays.

“Dear father.” Castiel prayed, kneeling at the altar of an empty church. “I need your guidance now more than ever. I am lost and confused and I do not know what to do.” 

Castiel hesitated a moment. “There is a man. I don’t understand what’s happening entirely, but I have begun to experience emotions in a way I never have. The way I feel about hi-“

Castiel stopped short. “I know he is tainted, but there is good in him. I can see it, but I am unsure, I am afraid. Help me please father.” Castiel waited, but silence remained.


	53. Sex

Skin slicked with sweat, heated flesh sliding together, becoming one. Short dark hair grasped in broad strong hands, nimble fingers carding through soft brown locks. Lips meeting in a frenzy of lust and need. Desire coiling in the spine, pleasure alighting along every nerve, every movement, every sound, sacred, like a prayer in the heat of the night. 

Blue eyes meet hazel, words unspoken. Ragged breaths, muffled moans, gripping tighter, moving faster. Too much not enough, so close. Aching, toe curling pleasure, begging, don’t stop, please. Three words gasped out desperately, tension pinpointed, released. Ecstasy. Satiated, boneless, weary limbs entwined.


	54. Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finds a joint, and smokes it.

Castiel stumbled into the motel room, giggling. He tried not to awaken Sam, but it was too late. Sam was already out of bed, the light on. 

“Cas?” he asked confused.

Castiel smiled lopsidedly at him. “Hey Sam.”

Sam took in the glassy look in his eye, the grin on his face. “Are you high?” he asked incredulously.

“Perhaps”

“What the hell happened?”

“I discovered something called a joint.” He said. “And I smoked it.”

“Oh my God.” Sam said exasperated.

“Sam, this is of the utmost importance.” Castiel said seriously, more like his old self.

“What?”

“I need ice-cream.”


	55. RocknRoll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas develops a music taste.

Sam was driving the Impala, Cas was riding shotgun. They’d swiped the keys while Dean was sleeping and were out for a ride. Music blared from the speakers, Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir. Hard rock, the only thing Dean’s music collection had to offer.

“What is this?” Castiel asked after a few moments. “This music.

“This is Rock.” Sam said. “Dean’s favorite.”

“Do you not like it?”

“It’s okay.” Sam admitted. “Not really my thing though.”

Castiel listened to the pulsing guitar solo intently. “I like it.” He declared. “It has such complexity and soul, very human.”

Sam laughed. “Not you too.”


	56. Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a present for Sam.

Sam lay curled up in bed, book in hand, wondering where Castiel was when the familiar sound of fluttering wings filled the air.

"Hey Cas, where have you been?"

"Around." replied Castiel. "I have a gift for you."

"Really?" asked Sam, surprised.

"I am aware you are fond of canines, correct?"

"Uh yeah." 

Just then a shrill bark emanated from Castiel's person.

"Um Cas, what was that?"

"Your gift." replied Castiel, gently lifting a small brown puppy from his coat pocket and handing it to a dumbfounded Sam.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it." Sam said grinning. "Thanks Cas."


	57. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam loves Castiel's eyes.

People say eyes are the windows to the soul. Sam wondered what Castiel's eyes were since he had no soul, the window to his grace? That made sense because Castiel had the most breathtaking eyes Sam had ever seen. 

Achingly blue, like the sea after a storm. And when he looked at Sam, really looked at him, he found it hard to focus on anything else. He'd stand in awe, enraptured by the look of pure devotion in that piercing gaze. Knowing he was loved so completely by such a being, made his life, such as it was, worth living.


	58. Sunburn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel forgets to wear sunscreen.

"The fires of hell would be more preferable than this agony." Castiel said, wincing as Sam rubbed more aloe over the blistered red skin of his back.

"Being human means the need for sunscreen." Sam said. "You're too pale to go without it."

"I was not aware that the sun could be so damaging." Castiel replied sullenly. "No one told me."

"Sorry babe. I wasn't thinking. I forget how new you are to all this. Next time we'll get you the extra strength formula."

"There will be no next time. Never again." he vowed.

Sam just smiled and kept rubbing.


	59. Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam thinks Cas is sweet.

Sam sat down with his coffee and Dean looked at him appalled.

"How do you take your coffee black?"

Sam shrugged. "I got enough sugar in my life." he said winking at Cas across the table.

Castiel looked confused. "I don't understand." he said.

"He's calling you sweet." Dean cut in, disgruntled. "And he should remember to keep the chick crap to himself.

Dean left muttering under his breath. Castiel looked at Sam seriously and spoke.

"Though you are technically an abomination, I think you are sweet as well." he said gravely.

Sam laughed and leaned in for a kiss.


	60. Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their bed could tell a tale of its own.

If objects could talk their bed would have a helluva story to tell. They had picked it out together, vowing to never sleep on a lumpy motel mattress again. It had seen it all, arguments, and what typically followed an argument. Morning kisses and winter chills and everything in between.

You see it wasn't just a frame and a mattress, it was more. It was home. After so many years of waking up in a different town every day, this was their slice of normal. A place to lay their heads every night, a place where they could be together.


	61. Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has something to say to Sam.

Castiel turned away from Sam, unable to hold his gaze. "I'm sorry." he said, as if it mattered.

"Just tell me what this is about, Cas. We can work it out."

"We can't, it won't work Sam. I'm an angel and you're..."

"Human?" Sam asked. "No, more than that. I'm a monster."

"That not what I-"

"That's exactly what you meant. You're ashamed of me." Sam said, his heart breaking.

"Sam please, I'm not, I don't."

"Save it." Sam said roughly. "Just go, we both know you want to."

"I wish things could be different."

"Yeah." Sam agreed. "Me too."


	62. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is God and Sam is afraid.

Sam knelt before Castiel, his new god. He swallowed sharply, nervous.

"I like you like this." Castiel said. 

"Cas, this isn't you." replied Sam, looking him in the eye. His heart lurched at the sight, the coldness in Castiel's gaze chilling him. 

Castiel cocked his head, the gesture devoid of any warmth. "You're afraid of me aren't you?" he asked curiously. "Am I frightening?"

Sam looked away, unable to look at him anymore. "This isn't you." Sam repeated. "I know you."

"I'm sorry Sam." Castiel said and the regret in his eyes almost looked genuine. "But you don't, not anymore."


	63. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is drunk.

Sam slammed back another shot of rye. Dean was gone and Sam figured he could use a drink. He was alone in the hotel room and he was quite drunk when Castiel arrived.

“Hello Sam.” Cas said.

“Hey Cas.” Sam mumbled drunkenly. 

“You’re drunk.”

“And you’re cute.” 

“I don’t.” Castiel began.

“C’mon,” Sam said, standing. He staggered toward Castiel. “I know you want me too.” 

“I uhh.” Cas said, awkwardly. 

Sam took a step forward and planted a drunken kiss on Castiel’s lips. At that moment the door banged open. Suddenly a familiar voice could be heard.

“What the hell?”


	64. Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam loves Castiel's hands.

Castiel slid his hands down Sam’s abdomen, gently caressing. Sam gasped and bucked up into the touch. There was something about Castiel’s touch that made Sam feel like he never had before. His hands, just the touch of them could make him feel things he’d never even imagined.

“I love it when you touch me.” Sam whispered. 

Castiel smiled softly. “You feel incredible.” 

Sam took one of Castiel’s hands in his own. He placed a gentle kiss to his palm. “I love your hands.” He said. “Your touch.”

Castiel’s hands on his skin, Sam had never felt more at home.


	65. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel loves Sams' scars.

Castiel ran his hands lightly down Sam’s abdomen, fingertips brushing over the myriad of scars he found there. He often did this when they lie together, talking aimlessly, or watching TV. 

“Why do you always do that?” he asked, curiously.

Castiel looked at him surprises, as if he hadn’t realized what he was doing. “I love your scars.” He said simply.

“Why?”

“Because they’re beautiful.”

“No they’re not.” Sam countered. 

“Yes they are, they prove how strong you are. They’re a part of you and they’re beautiful.”

Sam looked down at Castiel and smiled softly at him. “You’re beautiful too.”


	66. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam hurts and it's Cas' fault.

“Does it hurt?’ Castiel asked softly.

“Sometimes.” Replied Sam. He plucked nervously at the plastic bracelet on his wrist. “Mostly I’m just tired.”

“Sam, I am so sorry.” Castiel said and Sam could hear the pain in his voice. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

Sam heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

Sam needed to say, wanted to tell him how much it hurt. Not Lucifer, but the memory of that night, the look in Castiel’s eyes as he’d cut Sam down. It didn’t matter now anyway, he was too tired to be angry.

“It’s okay.” Was all he said.


	67. Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is alone and he wishes.

Sam undressed, getting ready for bed. He tried not to think about anything, but it all came crashing in anyway. The loneliness, the disgust, the shame. He wished he could really be Keith, could just leave it all behind.  
Sometimes he wished he could peel back his own skin, become something new, something better. His skin was scarred and tainted, and nothing he did could change that. But there were those who loved him anyway, and he missed them now, alone in his room. 

He thought about praying to him, a longing in his heart. But he couldn’t, not yet.


	68. Snowflakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel likes the snow.

Castiel peered out the window, enthralled. 

“What is it Cas?” Sam asked, curiously. 

“I never realized how beautiful the snow was before.” Replied Castiel, not tearing his gaze from the gently falling flakes.

“Wanna go outside?”

Castiel turned to him and nodded.

A while later they were bundled up and standing in the yard. Castiel looked to the sky reverently as the snowflakes lay their wet kisses on his brow. Sam stepped toward him and Castiel looked at him.

“It really is lovely.” Castiel said.

Sam leaned forward and kissed a snowflake off Castiel’s nose and smiled. 

“Yeah it is.”


End file.
